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issue 1 june 2004

this article

suede fanclub meeting minutes 1

june 1, 2004
by nc haze

9:00 a.m. - call to order, supreme allied commander general jesus h. wouk.

9:01 a.m. - wouk reads from prepared statement requesting "one minute of silence" out of respect for "absent friends and the music of alex lee."

9:43 a.m. - elixirising rises to the podium and announces that he's changed his name to elixirpeaking. he then puts on the new radiohead album, produced by dj squibbly and a leprechaun.

9:46 a.m. - fluffy states, "dr. peaking, i don't think the speakers are working. there's no sound coming out." elixirpeaking explains that the new radiohead album consists of 61 minutes of nothing. "they've captured the sound of silence! it's fookin' brilliant!"

9:52 a.m. - backslash requests that simon and garfunkle albums no longer be played at fanclub meetings.

9:53 a.m. - gunsucker, wearing a long robe and sandals, takes the podium. in his arms he holds a small furry animal that is frothing at the mouth. somberly, he says "eat from my weevil, it is my body. do this in remembrance of me." suede82 cries, "it looks rabid!"

10:03 a.m. - backslash and suedestation take the podium to discuss the coming year's suedehead convention in las vegas. speakers for the convention will include brett anderson's maid, david barnett's hair stylist, "eric" - a guy who lived up the street from bernard when they were twelve, alex lee and a keynote speech by brent spiner. security will be provided by the hell's angels, and all attendees will receive a free ticket to the vegas hilton's new attraction "damon albarn: an interactive laser show." ganymede yawns.

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