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issue 1 june 2004

this article

suede fanclub meeting minutes (con't) 2

10:21 a.m. - a representative of the people's pumerian front of rigel 7 takes podium to protest the us government's advancement in string theory and dark energy propulsion systems. wouk interrupts and reminds attendees that political organizations are prohibited from rallying during fanclub meetings (the sis prime directive), but he's interrupted by the hominid time warp collective of ngc1181429 x, who claim that string theory "beats the tit off of anything pulled out of a rigelian's arse." phase pistols are drawn on both sides of the aisle, and blue girl screams, "oh, god! who wants cookies?"

10:05 a.m. - backslash points to urgo chang, head of the h. t. w. c., and mutters "i see what you did there."

10:06 a.m. - the awful doctor orloff takes the podium and makes his weekly request for brains. gunsucker retorts his weekly reply, to uproarious applause, "you came to the wrong place, bub. this show never gets old."

10:12 a.m. - bvh takes the podium to read a poem about richard oakes, but is heckled by el diablo, who screams from the back, "blow me!" bvh replies, "hey, i don't do bits, bitch, i'm a prop comic." she then storms out of the meeting hall. fanclub members scratch their heads curiously, while el diablo, frustrated by bvh's departure, rises and declares, "there's nothing here for me. i'm going to go find a baby seal to club."

10:16 a.m. - essentialsuede takes podium to read a message from david barnett: "hello, lovelies. i do hope you're all delightfully well. just a reminder, the boyfriends will be playing in soho on friday, and i currently have another clump of brett anderson's hair for sale on ebay. paypal accepted, naturally. toodle-pip, bunny-buns. dbx. ps - nc, where is my book review?" nc shouts, "crikey! barnett's still alive?" wouk screams, "yay! nc is here!," then shrugs and says "oh, i've got to go watch sex in the city now. fluffy, you're in charge." ganymede remains unimpressed.

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