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issue 1 june 2004

this article

suede fanclub meeting minutes (con't) 4

1:00 p.m. - "i'm still standing" is one of the few elton john songs i could ever listen to without puking violently. why i have to hear it being assaulted by degenerate teenagers on american idol, i honestly will never understand. or forgive. this is a complete abomination. you want proof that there's no god? i'm listening to it, right now. american idol is the september 11th of popular culture, and the terrorists have won.

1:01 p.m. - mar and losingmyself take the podium and perform a faithful rendition of 'this world needs a father'. midway through, mar kicks losingmyself in the groin and walks off-stage muttering something about doo-wop and the death of civility. ganymede is not amused.

1:04 p.m. - emperor stephen takes podium and dims the house lights. he cooly raises a hand, and with the push of a button on a remote, the soft sounds of barry white begin to drift through the meeting hall, as emperor stephen begins to recite his favorite poetic moments from classic porn dialog.

1:56 p.m. - the lights flicker off for a few seconds, then flicker back on. elxirdescending takes the podium and announces that as of six p.m., his name will be elixirsetting until nine p.m., at which point he will officially be elxirgone until the following morning.

2:11 p.m. - tauriel says, "holy crap. i'm from denmark. who knew?"

2:16 p.m. - the telephone rings again. and again. and again. backslash answers. "mm-hm. mm-hm. mm-hm. yes, i understand. thanks." backslash takes the podium. "that was santa. the senate has been dissolved, and sis stormtroopers have raided our outpost at the north pole riding giant white rats. and brett's reformed suede with gunnar nelson, harrison ford and a midget in a green suit. the whole conversation was very weird. i need to sit down now." wouk asks, "are you sure that

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